This has been a tough year. I’ve spent much of my time helping leaders and teams trying to catch their breath in the wake of an unthinkable tragedy that happened in their workplace, where they thought they should be safe. As they were finding their feet, the COVID-19 lockdown threw them into another tumult. They have not had the luxury of time to slow down and heal. The show must go on, but many of them are not okay. I’m intentionally not sharing details, because their pain is not my story to tell. But if you are trying to understand the struggle of someone who has experienced something so overwhelming that they have shut down, here are some insights from this extended time with survivors:
(1) Overwhelming change interrupts the plot. As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains in his book, The Body Keeps the Score, trauma is, essentially a change that sweeps in and says, “all bets are off.” In a moment, it invades reality and introduces a new and unfamiliar, often unthinkable one. The shock of this experience actually rewires the brain. In my observation, when this happens in the workplace on a wide scale, it also rewires the organization. Whole teams get reorganized. Dynamics shift. Communication and behavior norms massively change overnight. There’s no going back to the people, teams, or organizations they were before the big thing happened. That doesn’t mean it will always be worse – but it will always be fundamentally different. This can be tough to swallow for the people in the midst of it. In a moment, they are different people in unfamiliar surroundings. Now they don’t just have the event itself to heal from – but the grief and shock of all the sudden loss, and the anxiety of all the unknowns before them.
(2) There is no common timeline when people should be “over it.” You cannot predict how people will be impacted, when they’ll be aware of the impact, or when they’ll feel safe or ready to talk about it. And no two individuals’ experience is quite the same. Months after the initial traumatic event happened, some are grappling with memories that are as fresh as the day of the event that set a new reality into motion. Others have made real progress in their healing. Still others appear to be numb.
(3) Work culture will transform in trauma – one way or another. Fill an organization with such a wide range of “okayness,” and you either have an amazing opportunity to shape a beautiful, empathy-informed culture, or one that is radically dysfunctional and volatile. The outcome will largely depend on mindfulness – mindfulness of managers and supervisors to recognize the reality of the trauma-impacted challenges people are processing and allow the trauma to inform/interpret behaviors and dynamics and address needs before they blow up, mindfulness of team members to recognize and validate needs and constructively support their peers while the work is getting done, and mindfulness of individuals to own their current condition, needs, and personal power to be constructive.
(4) Life is already happening when the unthinkable occurrs. Traumatic events never hit organizations or people in a static or neutral state. When tragedy strikes, people are in the thick of messy, raw life: milestones, celebrations, illnesses, family responsibilities, losses and triumphs of a thousand flavors. Some are already not okay. Some teams are already in trouble. And some are already primed to be strong and act heroically. This is so important to remember: though an overwhelming event may eclipse other experiences for a time, it is never the only thing going on in people’s lives. Many are already in a fragile state from other challenges and traumas and losses, or trying to celebrate a major victory, in tandem with the devastating event. Others may have never experienced any major loss, so the shock of the moment can hit them harder.
(5) Even in the same organizations or teams, no two people experience the same event, because no two people share the same life backdrop, the same family dynamics, temperament, personality, or previous experiences. This is another reason it is impossible to expect one person to be or act more like another. We are never comparing apples to apples.
(6) When a large organization faces a string of enterprise-level organizational traumas on top of each other, the combined impact of all of them mingle with one another. When an organization is forced to focus on a new trauma (such as COVID) it doesn’t mean it gets to “skip” processing the previous trauma(s). All the impact is still there. It’s just compounding. Without hard work, the default will become to avoid the big question in the room: “What. Just. Happened?” The more that has occurred, the harder people have to work to make time to really answer that question together.
So how does an organization show compassion to impacted departments and teams when their people are in such a varied state of recovery from multiple overwhelming traumas and devastating experiences?
Compassion is not a box we can check off, a feeling we have, or a mood we’re in. It is not a single act, and it doesn’t have an expiration date. It’s also not coddling, pacifying, or pitying. Compassion is embodied tough love. It’s war with the thing inside us that wants to shake it off, war with the inclination be angry with ourselves or others for having weak moments and not being completely okay after the world caves in. Whether 1-on-1 or on a grand scale, compassion is commitment to act with kindness over the long haul, as if each person were someone we care deeply about. It is – over the months and years of organizational recovery – an intentional decision to recognize the struggles, failures, and weaknesses people face as normal for all human beings who have faced similar challenges. And it is a long-term willingness to allow awkward, messy feelings in the room, even while the work is getting done – to name them, to acknowledge them, without allowing them to take over, without allowing them to toxify, without forcing them into permanent hibernation. These elements are key for compassion whether extended to self or others (for more, see this brief video from Dr. Kristin Neff). In my observations, the leaders and managers in organizations that make room for this are not prolonging organizational recovery. They’re making room for it.
In organizations and individuals, tunnel vision enables focus on survival until the crisis passes. Compartmentalizing for a season helps people get the job done without collapsing. However, when the crisis is resolved and some semblance of calm returns to the environment, you may be tempted to keep the part of you impacted by the disruption disconnected from the rest of who you are, in an effort to protect yourself even when no immediate threat is present. While this ability to detach from awkward and painful feelings is a gift in the middle of overwhelming demands, leaders beware: it will begin to unravel you, your team, your organization if you try to stay dis-integrated from the pain long-term. Disintegration forces forfeiture of the insights into understanding current dynamics and behaviors of everyone impacted. It also prevents recognizing and owning what is within each person’s, each team’s, each leader’s power to address and mend. When entire teams and organizations avoid processing overwhelming disruption together, teams gradually begin to break down. Organizational recovery requires a willingness to allow awkward, painful, and messy memories to be discussed constructively. This is organizational compassion. Personally and professionally, you are hardwired to be integrated, fully whole, with all parts of you connected in dynamic harmony. True integrity is seen in a concordant life: when what “I am,” “I think,” “I feel,” “I choose,” and “I do” all interconnect and reflect each other – even the messy bits. Especially the messy bits. A Concord approach to reflection is crucial for a mindful, intentional life – both personally and professionally. Organizational compassion makes room for constructive engagement with the storm that’s left after the crisis has passed.
Where have you dis-integrated for survival? How has it impacted your capacity to understand the deeper needs reflected in the behaviors and dynamics at work, at home, in your life? How has a culture of dis-integration impacted engagement and morale at work? What small, immediate thing can you do to start a constructive movement toward integration?
Here is a downloadable PDF of my “10 Tips for Change Readiness.” My gift to you. Keep going, my friend. – jo