Trust is the decision to make something cherished vulnerable to the care of another. When you are a leader who trusts your people and they trust you – and more significantly, when you all trust your care for each other – everything you do together is just easier. There’s natural momentum in creativity, curiosity, innovation, and engagement, because suspicion creates drag in any authentic interaction. Building an environment where trust can flourish needs to be a key focus for you as a leader and as a human being. So, where do you start when trust is frail?
I recently had the honor of being a guest on Innovating Leadership, Co-creating Our Future, hosted by Maureen Metcalf, a global radio talk show that focuses on executive leadership topics. We discussed Building Trust In Uncertainty: A Personal And Professional Journey | WCBE 90.5 FM. I wrote a related blog for VoiceAmerica about the trust model I’ve developed and the steps to build trust when it’s frail (which can be found here), but that experience got me thinking.
Although I have spent years researching and refining the ASC-DOC trust model, my best teacher of trust was a toddler with probing, mud puddle eyes. He did not speak my language. He had spent his entire life owning nothing and belonging to no one. We met Victor in a rural Ukrainian orphanage in 2005. He was three years old. Due to a severe craniofacial anomaly, he had been given up at birth and had never met his biological family. Yet, despite all his anxieties, insecurities and fears from having no previous experience with love and belonging, the moment he realized he was seen, valued, and loved just as he was with nothing to offer but himself, he committed himself firmly to the struggle of learning whole-hearted trust necessary to become our son. This “becoming” was so much more than a judicial decision. It was a journey of learning to trust each other – the decision to transfer power to protect vulnerability, sense of meaning, and identity to one another’s care. This mutual transfer of trust, care, and vulnerability is the deepest journey away from orphanhood and into family. The same is true for leaders and organizations. Trust, care, and belonging work together to create a very special magic.
Who and what have been your greatest teachers about trust? Join the conversation! And if you, your team, or organization would like to talk about how to intentionally gauge and build trust in your context, drop us a line. Trust isn’t a given, but it can be (re)built – even after it’s been strained and broken. All it takes is learning how to listen to the needs of the person in front of you, and stay committed to meeting them.